Yeah, about Nano...
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| Image Courtesy of thaikrit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
So I was supposed to return here December 1st
with my post-Nano post, full of anecdotes about my success and lessons I learned
during the month.
But I ran into a snag.
Rather, a snag ran into me.
Since November 30th I have had
numbness/iciness/tingling in my body, most acutely in my left arm and leg, and
my energy level has been compromised. Assorted tests have revealed nothing so
far, but I am not worried. I know I am healed in every respect… just waiting
for my body to get the memo.
Thus I was in the hospital sans laptop for three days, and
as my fingers were disinclined to cooperate, I was unable to post. Had they
felt differently, this is the gist of what I would have said:
Let me be clear: I am not an advocate of quitting for quitting’s
sake. (Insert motivational phrase about the power of perseverance here.) But success
requires knowing when your current track is leading you astray and that it is
time to pause, reassess, and redirect.
Such was the case after completing my last post. My headache
persisted, rendering me unable to type or think. As the November 30th
deadline approached, I faced the likelihood of not even making it to 35k, a
feat I accomplished by November 17th two years ago, bracing myself
for the soul-shattering shame.
But it never came.
Instead I became aware of a surprising wellspring of peace
at the thought of falling short. The expected downward spiral toward the “Maybe
I should just stick with Fanfiction” abyss was aborted by the realization that
completed Nano or not, I am still a writer. That this one contest, this one
deadline did not define me. And for an overachieving perfectionist in recovery,
this was a groundbreaking revelation.
Life-changing even.
Some of this new-found poise stems from the writing I’ve done
in the two years since Nano2011. I have three novels in various stages, and
dare say I like each of them enough to write my name on their author pages. My
fanfiction profiles on two popular sites boast steady traffic and a loyal,
enthusiastic readership. Moreover I am blessed enough to call some of my
favorite writers friends, and their struggles with this aggravating art
validate and demystify mine.
But most of it, like all important changes in my life, stem
from the confidence afforded me as a child of God. Knowing He approves of me
banishes any self-flagellation I might try to adopt. Yes, I have moments where my
dreams feel like a waste of imagination and energy, and I wonder how I ever belived they would come true. But those moments dissolve into unimportance when
I recall that in Christ, I am everything I need to be and through Him, I can do everything I need
to do.
The struggle is part of the story, and if I keep writing, I will someday
reach The End. And so armed with that truth, I can accept finishing
Nano at 33,726 words, knowing there are many more to come.
What recent non-successes do you need to accept? How do you
cope when you miss the mark? I’d love to hear from you!
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